Insecurity - the biggest problem in relationships

                                                                                                                       by Ron Alexander
Two insecure people in a relationship can make for a very stormy cruise, while one will make it a combination of days of calmness and stormy ones. Two secure partners can mean a very nice cruise with the only wavy days coming from exciting passion, and those types of waves are fun to surf in the relation-ship.
"Love one another, but make not a bond of love; let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your soul."  Kahlil Gibran
It takes two secure people to accomplish allowing "love to be a moving sea between" you two. How can one become more secure, less fearful, well, it is an inside job. First it must become conscious. Are you causing problems for yourself and the relationship, because of your insecurity? It is a long, but glorious road to becoming fearless, and it would behoove you to get some help probably, Or increase your times of meditation/prayer (may need some coaching here too?), and live more in mindfulness. "Any amount of meditation on it is always beneficial." Dalai Lama. Everything you do can be in mindfulness/integrity. Living here is being here in the moment with impeccability. When you make the bed, when you wash the dishes, when you go to the bathroom, anytime you can be completely present is a gift to yourself and to the relationship. "Be Here Now, Be Love Now." Ram Dass

 

 

Ron Alexander "...When you make the bed, when you wash the dishes, when you go to the bathroom, anytime you can be completely present is a gift to yourself and to the relationship. "Be Here Now, Be Love Now." Ram Dass. (Ron Alexander)

Zen Gardens Dominica I read his "Be Here Now" years ago and just finished reading Bhagavan Dass' "It's Here Now (Are You?). I finished the books with the feeling that we're all just scared monkeys trying to figure things out, including Ram Das and Bhagavan Dass and the Dalai Lama and even BUddha.

Zen Gardens Dominica It's all good though!

Ron Alexander Yes, Zen Gardens Dominica thanks for your insight! Especially "It's all good though!" Teach only Love is another book beside Love is Letting Go of Fear by Dr. Jampolsky. I had the privilege of doing my internship under Dr. Jampolsky years ago in Tiburon, Ca. He admitted his writing was to help himself figure out how to get out of fear. And I saw him and his beautiful much younger new bride fight like cats and dogs in the beginning of their relationship.

Zen Gardens Dominica There ya go friend. We're ALL in the same boat....and noone really knows any more about how to navigate these waters than anyone esle.
Ron Alexander Well, Zen Gardens Dominica, I admit I write for clarity - to clarify my own thinking, and if it can help others along the way, maybe it can make a calmer cruise in a safer boat? I know that the more I meditate, the more I am in mindfulness, the more calmer the sea is for me and my relationship!

Ron Alexander Elena Salvador: (edited my post, thanks Elena
personal note.....It takes TWO SECURE PEOPLE to accomplish allowing "love to be a moving sea between" you two.
Ron Alexander: Elena Salvador I'm not editing it...I just highlighted that part...love those lines.....thank you, Ron, for sharing your wonderful thoughts...
Ron Alexander: Oh, I have not even had a chance to go back - see where assumptions can take you, and I really appreciate your HIGHLIGHTING!

Linda Raenelle Mahoney: This is why I'm happy being single

Ron Alexander: Well, Linda Raenelle Mahoney, I can understand that, however when two secure people are together or helping each other become more secure in themselves and in each other, it can be a smooth cruise in paradise.

Elena Salvador I believe so too. (Y)

Evelyn Leonard Wright Remember, many relationships are mirrors...mirrors of what we lack within ourselves, mirrors of what we cherish within ourselves, mirrors of what we dislike about ourselves. The question is...what mirror are you holding up in this relationship? The mirror of insecurity? or the mirror of a mutual understanding and level of balance within...it is all about learning and soul evolution on the earth plane. My worst relationships have sometimes been some of my best teachers on my path...But my best relationships have lifted me higher than I could have ever imagined I could get on my own...but then again, once again, I am reminded that I am but a mirror--and what I celebrate within me has always been there...sometimes, hiding in plain sight...<3 span="">

 

Ron Alexander Thanks Evelyn Leonard Wright - I would say all of them are mirrors, and I agree that the "worst" can be the best teachers. Thanks for your as usual cogent comment!

Ron Alexander I think this is relevant to the dialogue: Therefore, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubt and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

 This one has really helped me do what I like, which includes a lot of solitary meditation - this brings me bliss - however some my closest ''friends'' act as if I am abandoning them and living a ''boring'' life. One has even accused me of not having enough ''excitement'' in my life. More mindfulness (being present) results from more meditation! This brings me more enthusiasm, which is calmer and longer lasting than "excitement". She is looking for things to "distract" her like going out to movies and out to eat, and thinks that I am missing the "excitement" of doing them, while I like to create my own meals or juice at home!