Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ego "Collapse" or Ego Boost - Validation!

Dear Rev. Margaret,

I really appreciate you and your inspirational support, your ability to remain defenseless when challenged, and the corresponding ability to switch gears at the same time, which is quite amazing to my defensive self. You demonstrated that yesterday when you answered my desperate plea for help call. You switched to prayer when I could not answer the call of 'who would you be without your thoughts of being rejected?" I was really stopped on the same question online doing Katy's Work, when they even take it one step further - "I welcome to feel rejected by Mom again." And I did just work on Mom alone to keep it simpler and more authentic as she is my "primary rejecter". To my knowledge that started when my younger more popular brother was killed in Viet Nam, while I was in the Army at the same time. Anyway, obviously, I am not ready to face that "rejection" again.

However, even your heartfelt prayer contain some words that I felt were not empathic and therefore not validating. Namely, "those times when he (or we?) were the rejectors..."

The film below contains some good examples and vital importance of true validating empathy. In addition, I felt some true empathy about my situation from a very unusual and unsuspected place and person last evening. I was at work, when I got a call that "Frank Boulineau was coming in." Frank is the wealthiest man in this part of the woods and his wife Elizabeth is Barry's God Mother/ step aunt. She and I worked on the treatment team to help Barry in many drug/alcoholic induced problems. When she called me just after the "reading of the will", I expected more sympathy toward me about Barry inheriting the bulk of the situation. In fact, I told her I was saddened by her reaction - "I was telling Frank that Barry has it made now." This surprised me as she and I with late valuable addition of Ann McCoy had worked long and hard to convince Mom to quit rewarding Barry for bad behaviour. So I repeated "that since the will was written in 2006, that it was the ultimate reward for bad behaviour." Then Elizabeth when on to ask how much do you think Barry would sell it for - $480,000"(about half the value)? Whoever gets it will probably tear it down - this really hurt, as I have been working hard to renovate this house Dad beautifully designed in 1972! As much as dismayed as I was by Elizabeth's reaction, I expected Frank to have the same attitude when he came to the gate last night. However, to my joyous discovery, I felt his empathy, with his incredulous look and words - "I heard you got stiffed by the will." When I replied affirmatively and mentioned I was praying a lot and asking "Father, please forgive them, they do not know what they do." He told me that "willing all that to Barry was the craziest thing I ever heard." He had to drive on to his appointment, but when he exited the gate a few minutes later, I was busy, but I heard more comforting words from him and an invitation to give him a call for a meeting to dialogue the matter later" I was really affirmed as he is a very busy man owing and managing most of the retail stores in Cherry Grove.

What am I getting to? I think that Tolle (inspired by ACIM) really goes to too great a length to demonize the ego in A New Earth. "Whenever tragic loss occurs, you either resist or you yield. Yielding means inner acceptance or what is (sounds like Katy). You are open to life. Resistance is an inner contraction. A hardening shell of the ego. You are closed, if the shutters are closed. If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in."
That sounds brilliant until you are in deep grief like I am (and possibly Kelly the other night). I think of the ego as a house we live in while on this earth, and the stronger the house the better we can survive. I think there are windows in this house where the "sunlight' can come in. I don't think we can thrive without having a strong house without open windows (eyes, ears, and heart). So I think we need validation/empathy for this body/house and not "words tha would 'collapse' tear down this "ego."

I think this video below brilliantly displays the need for validation below: Be sure to get through the lull in the middle as it rises to its beautiful affirmation at the very end.

This short 16 minute film, written and directed by Kurt Kuenne and starring T.J. Thyne and Vicki Davis, has won a variety of awards including Best Narrative Short at the Cleveland International Film Festival and the Audience Award at the Hawaii International Film Festival. Itʼs guaranteed to make you smile!

No Mistake,

P.S. There is another Unity teacher there who has hurt me with words (much more than your kinder ones), who has stated that she is better to tell the "truth" (really her version of it) and let her students find their own answers. By the way, the same unnamed teacher has also helped me very much. She is the only one who explained that my Mother "really loves you, she just feels inadequate around you."

Thursday, February 19, 2009

"Everybody loves me some people just don't know it yet."

Dear Rev. Margaret,
thanks again for bringing me back to Byron Katy's The Work.
Above is one of my favorite quotes by her.

Another favorite quote is "Forgiveness means what you thought happened didn't."

Her work is perfect for my thinking about the "betrayal by my wife" and "the same feelings of Mom and my Aunt and nephew betraying me by 'being a a part of scapegoating and disinheriting me". How you turned around your ex-husband working with Byron was perfect: "my thinking has betrayed me by keeping the story going." I am betraying, scapegoating, and disinheriting myself every time I think those thoughts.

I had forgotten until last night how flexible one can be around the turn-arounds - 'keep on trying them until one fits the thinking the best." For example from last night - "The mass media is killing us." I first turned it around to "the mass media is not killing us" yet since I have found two transformed broadcasters plus some really good samaritan shows (like one Kelly mentioned last night), and of course Oprah, I can turn it around to "the mass media is helping heal me."

Here is my early morning "Thrival" quote (with some paraphrasing of Ernest Holmes). "I live in peace, knowing my loving free Spirit attracts caring friends and all I need to be fulfilled."

Also, I told you last night about her amazing defenselessness. When she is attacked (rarely but once in a while), she takes a moment, goes in and invariable says 'I think I can find that (part of myself). And then smiles and sometimes says "thank you for helping me realize more of me."

Remember a few months ago, I told you that you reminded me of Katy? Her work is all about the realization of Oneness.
"Joy is the realization of our soul's oneness with supreme love." Tagore.
I bet somewhere in Katy's writings we will find a similar quote.

committed to Oneness (especially difficult ones), Ron

p.s. Sometimes Katy will back off compassionately on making you turn around something you fiercely believe in. When I worked on my brother's death in Viet Nam - she asked me if that is true when I told her "something came to me at the time of my Brother's death, and enraged I tore up the barracks - with understanding fellow medics supporting me and helping me clean up. Two days later the chaplain came and told me the sad news, and I was ready - part of me already knew." At her question, I got really stubborn and would not give it up. Katy started saying "sometimes your stories are so precious, that by all means, keep them if you need them." I would substitute "beliefs" for stories when they are so ingrained."

Also, I have extra Katy worksheets I will supply, it you think they would help the class.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Pray Without Ceasing - 1 Thessalonians 2:17

How to Change Cursing Without Ceasing to Praying Without Ceasing

1. Enter the "secret place of the Most High" (where the "spirit of the Lord is".)
This is the place within us where God delivers the "All that It is to us."

2. How do we go to this Sacred Place within? Meditation ("Be still and know".), "make affirmations, repeat beautiful passages, or just sit in quiet contemplation of your thoughts, realizing the presence of life."
Going to our Divine Place within "leads to the conclusion that the Power exists and is available.
All life, all health, all love, all peace exist in this Power.
Our loneliness, our sense of isolation, our poverty, our doubt, and our sickness are results of being disconnected in consciousness from this Divine Self."

3. Making affirmations: "I let go of every inharmonius, limiting thought.
I quietly turn within and acknowledge that Holy Spirit (Inner Presence) of my own being.
Beautiful, uplifting feelings of harmony, peace, and love flow through me like a river,
elevating my consciousness to a new and higher level of acceptance and unity."

Much of the above was paraphrased from Ernest Holmes "Daily Wisdom".

Grace Prayer

I yearn for Love.
Into thy hands I commit my spirit, (my body, my situation, etc.).
Thy will is my will.
Heal me @ depth.
Reveal that which needs to be healed.
Heal that that needs to be healed, so I can glorify Love.
It it finished.

Paraphrased from Rev. Debbie Tyson's "Grace Prayer".