The Reading of the Will

Here is stimulus of recent intensity:
Mom died on Christmas Eve last and the "reading" was a few weeks later.

The Reading of the Will
Ron Alexander

feeling blessed to
be with Mom
when she passed
recently to cloudy
cool winter day
then squinting into fluorescent
conference room by myself
the other beneficiary
nephew left in waiting room
big table lots of chairs
extra lawyer to witness
page after page after page read
without my name
finally shows on last pages
containing minor parts of estate
only listed there since
remaining brother died last year
last page a request that
leftover cash divided
between three of us (now two)
not much after Mom’s bills
left over change
attempted mollification by lawyer
saying that Mom would have left
me off completely because of ex-wife
but he stepped in and advised her
that she could not take it with her
-you know what your Mom was like
he asked me
it was more than that
mentally compiling
list that would
lead to such rejection
why did she do that
why did I do that
why did she say that
why did I say that
why why why why
please quit brain
storm outside
hard time seeing while driving
rain/tears/rage
turned down invitation
from aunt to stay overnight
with her and newly enriched
drug/alcohol addicted nephew
screaming curses at Mom
stopped at cheap motel isolating
deep near suicidal despair
storm continues outside
dark clouds sparking lightening
strikes in my mind

(6th draft 5-19-09)

At 11:08am on May 19, 2009, Silja Saareoks said… Thank you for posting the poem! You can write, my friend. It is so much more than just the words. You can touch the soul. Thank you so much!


Thank you Silja, for your positive feedback of my poem from the "lightening sparks of thoughts in my mind", you can see why I have turned so intensely to meditation!
Mom's "rejection' has turned into a Divine Gift, A Real Blessing, A knowing of Real Privilege, A Divine Inheritance, When I am in a meditative state, I know that I am extremely weathy person. Now, I realize this Truth:
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added to you." ron

:21pm on May 19, 2009, Silja Saareoks said… Ron,
Well, I know what you mean. It is to see and to appreciate the everything that we already have. By knowing and really feeling the connection with everything we can see that we do really have much and that we're always connected. The kingdom of heaven is already inside of us, we just have to feel it. The separation is just in the physical plan, we're also connected with those who have died and those who will be born in the future. The connection is in the presence and that is what we need to feel, that is the power that can also be gained by the help of meditation practice. Although we're living in the human body, we're being much more than it. And you really do have so much, you've also have the gift to share it with the others. These values count more than the gold. Silja

I read the poem about your mom's will.. my dad's death was a giant mess too with the trustee my sister lying in court and stealing everything she could with glutton lawyers being the only real winners. Death exposes a lot of sick stuff.. I guess what Carolyn Myss says is true we need to thank those who love us inadequately because they get us closer to the divine Marinspin


Hi Marinspin, I think my Mom never forgave me for not going to Viet Nam instead of her favorite son Barry who was killed there. I was in Alaska in the Medical Corps., because only one brother was allowed there at one time.
I know it is my job to forgive all involved and be grateful to my Mom for Divine Inheritance that is worth much more than gold. Carolyn Myss is right - thanks for sharing that quote. lotsalove&peace, Ron
Sorry about your mom. My parents said if they had had a son they would have sent him to Canada to get out of the draft. I agree Carolyn Myss is so right!!!!Marinspin