Grief is Not Hatred - an essay by Ron Alexander

Grief is Not Hatred (for J. and Mom especially)  by Ron Alexander

“Ask and ye shall receive.” – I prayed, meditated and reflected long for this answer. Anger is not hatred. Confusion is not hatred. Fear is not hatred. Yet all three are poisons that can take away peace. Grief contains all three. Anger at loss, confused because of all the bargaining thinking – feeling being the victim of loss (Why me? Why now? What did I do? Is it my fault?). Then there is the fear of more loss and more bargaining thinking and more anger. It is a vicious toxic cycle. How can I get out of this suicidal pattern?  I can look at the stories I have made up about it (Byron Katy). Are they true? Are they absolutely true? Usually never absolutely true! Then what can I do? For one thing it is a relief to know that “anger is not hatred”. So then, I can look at the situation differently and ask for forgiveness. “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Forgive yourself because you have been confused – I did not know what I was doing. Then since I realize we are all one (despite the anger, the confusion, the fear), I can use the Ho’Oponopono Prayer:

I am sorry. (I never hated you, I was angry in my grief.)

Please forgive me. (I know you will, and I lose the fear.)

Thank you! (Yes, forgiveness is there for Us!)

I love you! (And moi, since we are all One)

Peace from clarity - this is for Mom, J., B., L.J., and anyone who has felt my anger! I have never hated anyone. I am so grateful for you forgiving me and me forgiving myself! This does not mean I want to be with you other than in Spirit.  And I pray without ceasing "Thank you: on one breath then "Love you" on the next on and on hopefully! 
 I humbly appreciate your sharing this Lloyd Leamon and Garna Sorensen! The reflection started when I was shockingly disinherited by my Mom as only living child of 5. I knew she loved me, so I realized finally that she was in a lot of grief and confused anger with hatred!
Lloyd Leamon Good insight Ron. I too suffered at the hands of a domineering father. Carrying the feelings around consumed me for a number of years. It was not until I came to realization that even though what I perceived as his misguided actions, is intentions were for the good. One of the many insights I learnt only in retrospect was that in forgiving him I was really releasing negativity in myself, and although I live in a world where injustices do happen, I also live in a world where injustices can be corrected.