Ego "Collapse" or Ego Boost - Validation!

Dear Rev. Margaret,

I really appreciate you and your inspirational support, your ability to remain defenseless when challenged, and the corresponding ability to switch gears at the same time, which is quite amazing to my defensive self. You demonstrated that yesterday when you answered my desperate plea for help call. You switched to prayer when I could not answer the call of 'who would you be without your thoughts of being rejected?" I was really stopped on the same question online doing Katy's Work, when they even take it one step further - "I welcome to feel rejected by Mom again." And I did just work on Mom alone to keep it simpler and more authentic as she is my "primary rejecter". To my knowledge that started when my younger more popular brother was killed in Viet Nam, while I was in the Army at the same time. Anyway, obviously, I am not ready to face that "rejection" again.

However, even your heartfelt prayer contain some words that I felt were not empathic and therefore not validating. Namely, "those times when he (or we?) were the rejectors..."

The film below contains some good examples and vital importance of true validating empathy. In addition, I felt some true empathy about my situation from a very unusual and unsuspected place and person last evening. I was at work, when I got a call that "Frank Boulineau was coming in." Frank is the wealthiest man in this part of the woods and his wife Elizabeth is Barry's God Mother/ step aunt. She and I worked on the treatment team to help Barry in many drug/alcoholic induced problems. When she called me just after the "reading of the will", I expected more sympathy toward me about Barry inheriting the bulk of the situation. In fact, I told her I was saddened by her reaction - "I was telling Frank that Barry has it made now." This surprised me as she and I with late valuable addition of Ann McCoy had worked long and hard to convince Mom to quit rewarding Barry for bad behaviour. So I repeated "that since the will was written in 2006, that it was the ultimate reward for bad behaviour." Then Elizabeth when on to ask how much do you think Barry would sell it for - $480,000"(about half the value)? Whoever gets it will probably tear it down - this really hurt, as I have been working hard to renovate this house Dad beautifully designed in 1972! As much as dismayed as I was by Elizabeth's reaction, I expected Frank to have the same attitude when he came to the gate last night. However, to my joyous discovery, I felt his empathy, with his incredulous look and words - "I heard you got stiffed by the will." When I replied affirmatively and mentioned I was praying a lot and asking "Father, please forgive them, they do not know what they do." He told me that "willing all that to Barry was the craziest thing I ever heard." He had to drive on to his appointment, but when he exited the gate a few minutes later, I was busy, but I heard more comforting words from him and an invitation to give him a call for a meeting to dialogue the matter later" I was really affirmed as he is a very busy man owing and managing most of the retail stores in Cherry Grove.

What am I getting to? I think that Tolle (inspired by ACIM) really goes to too great a length to demonize the ego in A New Earth. "Whenever tragic loss occurs, you either resist or you yield. Yielding means inner acceptance or what is (sounds like Katy). You are open to life. Resistance is an inner contraction. A hardening shell of the ego. You are closed, if the shutters are closed. If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in."
That sounds brilliant until you are in deep grief like I am (and possibly Kelly the other night). I think of the ego as a house we live in while on this earth, and the stronger the house the better we can survive. I think there are windows in this house where the "sunlight' can come in. I don't think we can thrive without having a strong house without open windows (eyes, ears, and heart). So I think we need validation/empathy for this body/house and not "words tha would 'collapse' tear down this "ego."

I think this video below brilliantly displays the need for validation below: Be sure to get through the lull in the middle as it rises to its beautiful affirmation at the very end.



This short 16 minute film, written and directed by Kurt Kuenne and starring T.J. Thyne and Vicki Davis, has won a variety of awards including Best Narrative Short at the Cleveland International Film Festival and the Audience Award at the Hawaii International Film Festival. Itʼs guaranteed to make you smile!

No Mistake,
Ron


http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/02/17/Validation--a-Fable-About-the-Magic-of-Free-Parking.aspx

P.S. There is another Unity teacher there who has hurt me with words (much more than your kinder ones), who has stated that she is better to tell the "truth" (really her version of it) and let her students find their own answers. By the way, the same unnamed teacher has also helped me very much. She is the only one who explained that my Mother "really loves you, she just feels inadequate around you."