Also, he physically abused he older two of us, however, the verbal taunts still show up in my psyche, even though I forgave my Father as a young adult, when I observed him beating himself up with the same type of abusive language when facing a challenge with my bemused Mother as his witness. I realized he was carrying on from his Father (probably), and projecting his lack of self-worth on to his sons. He and Mom carried resentment also that that they did not have a daughter. In fact I found a post card from my Grandmother just after my birth, stating that she knew my Father did not want another son, and offered to take me to her and Granddad's home to "bring me up."
How do I counter my Father's voice when it comes up, especially in the wee hours of the morning like now? Mantras really help. Tomas Pinkson gave out these bracelets at a Center for Attitudinal Healing/Dr. Jerry Jampolsky Reunion Conference in San Francisco in 2014. Then at end of conference he and well-known Drummer Kokomon led us in a chant using these words: I AM LOVE AND MY LOVE IS FORGIVING AND I AM A SACRED, WORTHY, LUMINOUS BEING. Those are a couple of mantras that really help when I catch myself starting to beat myself up. Lately, I read something else that has helped me love myself more, and that is "I have done the best I can." Truly, ALL OF US HAVE DONE THE BEST WE CAN. Let go of resentments - against others, and especially resentment against your precious self. AND LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF!