Divine Mothers - Great Role Models for Healing

Bonnie Joy, on the left, and Gerry were the magnificent miracle I needed the most at the recent excellent Attitudinal Healing Conference in San Francisco. I had known them previously as two grief-stricken Mothers of their two children who passed on, while I was director of the Young Adults Group at The Attitudinal Healing Center. Michael, son of Bonnie Joy and Stacy daughter of Gerry were, to me Angels on Earth. However, at that time Bonnie Joy and Gerry were grief stricken with all of the traumatic yet normal emotional difficulties present with terrible loss. Denial at first, immense sadness, bargaining (Why them? Why not me? why now? How could it happen to such beautiful children? On and on causing confusion), however the most difficult emotion is anger. It is so hard to normalize this perfectly reasonable yet so difficult part of grief – being mad, being angry. This was what I felt the most from them at that time, and it was so hard for me, that it was one of the reasons I left the Center at the time. It brought back that same feeling of my Mom, when she lost her dear son Barry, my beloved Brother in Viet Nam. My dear Mother never learned about these same conflicting yet normal emotions of grief, and she had, besides the death of Barry, had many other terrible losses. Her other sons, my brothers, passed on before she did – Bob died in his 30’s, Bill passed in his 40’s, Johnny left the earth a year before her death in his 60’s. Her husband John left about ten years previously in his 70’s.  I was the only surviving son, and in my mind trying to take responsibility of helping save the remaining real estate and trying to please her. Yet, she saw me as trying to take control, and part of that was true, as Mom was incompetent at taking care of the properties. However, the worst part for me, was Mom’s unconscious anger, and I really felt the wrath of it when she virtually left me out of the will. She was leaving most everything to Barry, her only grandchild and to Johnny. Since Johnny died before Mom, I did manage to inherit his small share, yet have it divide this with my nephew Barry.

The emotional feeling of rejection at the paucity of inheritance by Mom was the worst injury to me. I can see now that my “trying to please her” was coming from low self-worth and guilt and my own grief. Bonnie Joy and Gerry enabled me to see that grief can be healed. They were the two, I most needed to reunite with, at this powerful healing conference. My Mom came back to me in Spirit a few months ago in an auditory way. I was lying in bed confused and almost depleted of life force, when I heard her voice plainly alarmingly call out “Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie”. I did not know it but I was dying of heart blockage. I called  the nurse at the VA 24 hour Help center, and told her of my physical problems. I thought it was Mienere’s disease, that I had been diagnosed with previously. This is a vertigo caused by an inner ear problem. However, the nurse told me to have someone to drive me to the nearby (thankfully) VA hospital. I am stubborn, independent, but even worse too low of a self-esteem, to even ask someone to drive me. So I drove myself carefully over there. At the hospital, they determined it was not the inner ear vertigo, but light headedness confusion caused by lack of blood carrying oxygen to my brain. I had a resting blood rate of only 33 so they had an EKG done on me. The EKG displayed that I had an intermediary third degree (the worst) heart blockage. The MD immediately transferred me from the ER to the ICU. The next day a Pacemaker was placed in my chest to keep the electrical charges connecting for the ventricle to the atrium. The blockage was between those two parts of the heart.

The Pacemaker has been a life-saver helping me with much more clarity and energy. I was getting depressed beforehand, as I thought I was getting dementia, as well as the low energy causing me guilt at having to spend so much time in bed. I was raised by a workaloholic Father and staying long in bed especially in the morning was a big “no no”!

Besides role modeling the healing of grief, these two wonderful Mothers helped me realize that Love is the Essence of our Life, and it is Eternal, as they “KNOW” their beautiful children are Angels of Love guiding them from Spirit. This important fact affirmed for me that yes, definitely Mom did come back from  Spirit and that Mom does Love me indeed, as she is LOVE and knows IT now,  and me as LOVE too!

The theme of this excellent conference for me, and wonderfully role-modeled by all the leaders at this beautiful setting the Presidio overlooking the San Francisco Bay was a chant given to us there. It was a card and a bracelet developed by Dr. Tom Pinkson, a long-time clinical consultant to the Center. I am a Sacred, Worthy, Luminous Being. You are a Sacred, Worthy, Luminous Being. We are Sacred, Worthy, Luminous Beings. I am Love and Love is For Giving.  You are Love and Love is For Giving.  We are Love and Love is For Giving. It was also performed as a chant there at the conference. I would add as all these Angels (here on Earth and in Spirit) role model LOVE IS FOREVER! I am so grateful to all of you – Jerry Jampolsky (a joyous 90^th birthday), Diane Cirincione (Jerry’s Divine Wife), Tom Pinkson, Bonnie Joy along with her Angelic son Michael Shea) Gerry along with her Angelic daughter Stacy (what a privilege to work with those two young adults -  Angels on Earth at that time), Kokomon, Aisha and her dynamic daughter now Director of the very successful West Oakland Center for Attitudinal Healing, Trish (the fearless - Love is letting go of fear – director of the whole magnificent conference), the fabulous International Attitudinal Healers, Carolyn Smith, Louise Franklin, all the fantastic hard working sweet volunteers, and last but not least my awesome co-participants. Indeed the Eternal Truth is LOVE and IT is the Essence of our Being!  Thank you, thank you, thank ALL of YOU LOVERS!

 I left my heart in San Francisco, and I had to go back to retrieve it!

 And not complete without my most important co-counselor:

Dear Ron,

This is a truly beautiful, heartfelt, loving tribute to these wonderful people who have touched your life so meaningfully.  Most importantly, it is also a magnificent tribute to you!  It is a shining example of the love and strength of character that has enabled you to process deep grief, going through its many painful stages to reach profound understanding, and thereby reclaiming the truth of your being.  Your writing from the heart space and generosity of spirit are very moving.