| Joy Schultz | 1:52pm Mar 7 |
I am doing some work on my son ("he died/committed suicide and it means that I hurt him") and I was reminded of how when he was maybe five years old he decided he was going to dig a hole through the cement floor in the basement to the dirt. He told me this when I saw the hole he was making in the concrete with a hammer (and probably some other tool that I don't remember). He actually made a pretty good size removal of the cement...I smile now to think of it. So very beautiful...he had no reason why not. He was perfectly clear and so innocent. Is there any thing I am believing I cannot do? Any cement I cannot "break through"? What are my reasons why not? (The don't know mind doesn't have any.) I love the open confident present mind this little boy had. So simple.
Jody Curphy Children are such wonderful teachers. Bless you and your healing path.
Rachel Matthews Joy, thank you. I read this on Sunday; yesterday (Monday) it was two years since my son, aged 12, inadvertently took his own life in a situation where he felt hurt by me. He also was a great one for persevering against apparently impossible odds. I also thought of him that he would dig a hole for himself.... fall into it.... and keep digging. I have been so grateful for the Work: all those worksheets on the small things gave me some courage - or grace - when he died to love what is; and what is is a world where he is no longer alive. My sorrow is deep; but I also have a peacefulness.
Joy Schultz Thank you so much for sharing, Rachel. Aaron had an army surplus collapsible shovel, just the right size for a five year old, and basically cleared all the weeds for a garden with it when we first moved in. Later we turned the sandbox frame upside down and he dug a huge cave under it. The energy he had was amazing...I think it all started when we read a picture book about a boy with a shovel...so I think that is when I got him one...the smiles to myself here show me he still lives. Love is. I have a wonderful image of him sitting in this huge mud puddle all covered in mud
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