Being needy in the sense of feeling "not good enough" means we seek validation, approval, and respect from others to make ourselves feel whole. Yet we never truly feel whole because these buttresses from without wear down and fade very quickly, so we always need more stroking, more encouragement, more external propping up of our flagging sense of self all the time. We therefore devise strategies and patterns of behavior designed to elicit specific responses from others, as well as behaviors designed to punish those who withhold them.
It's a painful way to go through life--seeing others as mere sources for personal satisfaction or personal pain (depending upon whether they give us what we need or withhold it) and we too often feel disempowered by those who won't play along, versus experiencing them as interesting mysteries we wish to explore more fully.
When we discover self-love and activate it fully, we no longer feel incomplete, less than, not "good enough." We can then relish being in the shared field of awareness from a relaxed position of power. We don't NEED anything specific to happen to make us feel "better" about ourselves because we love ourselves just as we are--perfectly whole.
That does not mean we have no needs. As biological, psychological, emotional beings we definitely need companionship, affection, sensation, experience, connection, sensuality, safety, energy, etc. that we derive from outside of ourselves. But we don't need them to make us whole; we need them in order to exist and engage in ways that inspire us to express our aliveness and wholeness fully, and to give the best of ourselves to the whole of living reality.
We share, love, and give in that situation because we can, not in order to extract more from others in order to fill ourselves up.
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