Whose Job is it Anyway - To Unconditionally Love You?

I found an old postcard from my birthdate in 1944 with some photos of same time period. It was from Ruby Manning Hillhouse to my parents. "Bubba" was my maternal grandmother. She wrote: "Congratulations on the birth of Ronnie, I understand you don't want another boy, John(my Father). We will be glad to take him off your hands. We are driving up there soon."
That was a long hard drive then from near the mountains of Southwestern S. C. to the recessed coast of Eastern N. C. However, they made the drive and Pad, my delightful grandpa, left "Bubba" to help with me, as Mom would not let me go back to Anderson with both of them. Dad went off to war with the Marines in the deadly Pacific Islands Theatre.
The point of this story is that I felt unconditional love from Bubba until she died right after I graduated from college in 1966. She was a school teacher and helped Pad manage his dairy farm. She was a "tough lover" not sentimental, not a hugger, not very verbal, however I could feel the energy of unconditional love emanating from her to me. I don't feel that I could have survived my childhood with my WWII wounded (PTSD?)Marine Dad and injured ambivalent young Mom, who birthed three more sons to my Dad's chagrin s(and Mom's too I am sure). My older brother being a football star combined with Dad to bully me. "Only girls have curls." "Sissy". and Dad liked to use a belt, which Mom encouraged.

Well, anyway, naturally (I think) I never found a woman who could live up to Bubba. In fact, they ended up more like my Mom. Some of them managed to "unconditionally love" for a while - however usually a short while. I don't blame them, as I think there is something unhealed in me, that produced the hurtful reactions in them. Like my Mom, they learned the "hurt" buttons to push, and I am sure I led them there. What I am finally learning is that it is MY JOB to uncover the Unconditional Lover within me, and that is the process I am going through now. I have to be a "tough lover" to take care of myself. I have to not be an enabler. I have to set proper boundaries. I have to be gentle, patient and forgiving to myself. If I can't be unconditional with myself, I can't be unconditional with others. I need "tools' and knowledge in order to do that, since I was not taught growing. However, I am very grateful that I had an awesome role model - Bubba. She had a great husband in Pad, and I noticed they treated each other with that same understanding love. Unfortunately, he died when I was about ten. Thank you, Pad & Bubba!

Wisely Extend to Yourself an Unconditional Love

When you adopt the viewpoint
That all that exists within your circle of life
Is nothing but another part of you.
When you come to the conclusion
That there is no one who exists, who is not a part of you,

You will wisely extend to yourself
An unconditional love that will be
The light of your day, the light of your night
The light that lightens up this world of ours.
From Peter Makena – "Crossroads (In Love)"

May the uncovering process continue for me and all of us. Namaste' Ron
"As long as the candle burns, there is time to make repairs."
Rabbi Salanter