Confessions of Captain Ego (USCG Licensed)

Actually, besides Captain, I have had a couple of other ego-enhancing titles ASCP (American Society of Clinical Pathologists)and MFT (Marriage Family Therapist). I went sailing between those two "careers". I used to get off on walking around a hospital in a white lab coat, then I enjoyed having a "practice" as a "Therapist" in my last career. Besides ego, testosterone had a big part in my obtaining these three "prestigious" licences. I am a admitted bikini-chasing hedonist for many years - still my head gets turned.
Actually, it has been a humbling relief to get older and have my testosterone levels drop (lower normal now - just got tested). However, I still have a very healthy ego. I am now on the "wise old philosopher/counselor/teacher" track. I enjoy showing off my knowledge, although wish it was more wisdom.
My preferred meditation - Vipassana - is admittedly humbling. I could never be a "teacher" and probably not even an "assistant teacher". There is no "teacher training", and there is only one teacher. Assistant teachers are appointed by "transmission" and many hundreds (maybe thousands) of hours of silent still meditation.
I have pretty much given up on the idea of "losing my ego" while in this body (maybe the "next"?). I just want to keep aware of the ego, while keeping it healthy and balanced. I think most of the problems are with unaware egotistical (egoist thinking), not with one that is balanced and fairly conscious. Who would have steered my boat? Who would have done the lab tests accurately? Who would have tried to help families and couples, although I admit being a failure with my own. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to move back to Carolina from saner California to "save" my family.
Freud invented the ego as the middle part of his triad mental system as the "conscious connection" between the id (our instinctual "snake" brain) and the Superego (our higher self). Gary Zukav has wisely called it our "earth guide". The ego, you get rid of it, I will just keep trying to minimize it. I recommend The Buddhas' Vipassana Meditation with a lot of metta & mystical Christian Affirmative prayer.

The most important thing is that I have never been more peaceful. "The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes." Frank Lloyd Wright
May all Beings be happy and free!
Anatoly Petrenko I enjoyed very much this inquiry into what was this life. Now as your awareness shifts, the meaning shifts in unison. And practice of Vipassiana is the method outlined by Buddha in dismantling self-grasping fueled by the conceptual belief of its existence.
Vipassiana is not only a therapeutic technique, it is a tested method of contemplative inquiry into whether ego has inherent existence.
Keep practicing with intent and take a fresh look at Four Noble Truths: there is direct path to freedom.
As I write this, I recognize that I am reminding it all to myself.
Vipassiana is very powerful: it assisted me in recognition of what this "I" is — single present moment thinking only — luminous awareness in the space of the mind.
Funny thing is it appears that mind is a loaded storage and could be distracting. Nevertheless with practice its nature is going to be revealed as that — freedom with immeasurable generosity, compassion, empathetic joy and equanimity. Perhaps all qualities you would like to assign to a healthy way of being (even though you call it ego).
Above all I appreciate jewels of inspiration your "confession" presented!

s.a.m. said...
You were the best captain ever!!!
I was searching International Field Studies and wow!

Sally
(Brought students to you twice!!!)