The Reading of the Will

The Reading of the Will
Ron Alexander



feeling blessed to
be with Mom's
when she passed
a few weeks ago
from cloudy cool winter day
to squinting into fluorescent
conference room by myself
the other beneficiary
my nephew left in waiting room
big table a lot of chairs
extra lawyer to witness
page after page after page read
without my name
finally shows on last pages
containing minor parts of estate
only listed there since
remaining brother died last year
last page a request that
leftover cash divided
between three of us (now two)
not much after Mom’s bills
left over change
attempted mollification by lawyer
saying that Mom would have left
me off completely because of ex-wife
but he stepped in and advised her
that she could not take it with her
-you know what your Mom was like
he asked me
it was more than that
mentally compiling
list that would
lead to such rejection
why did she do that
why did I do that
why did she say that
why did I say that
why why why why
please quit brain
storm outside
hard time seeing while driving
rain/tears/rage
turned down invitation
from aunt to stay overnight
with her and newly enriched
drug/alcohol addicted nephew
screaming curses at Mom
stopped at cheap motel
isolating deep near suicidal
despair storm continues outside
dark clouds sparking lightening
strikes in my mind
(4th draft 5-6-09)
from cloudy cool winter day
squinting into fluorescense
by myself.
my nephew
the only other beneficiary
left in the waiting room
big table with a lot of chairs

page after page were read without
my name
finally shows on the last couple
of pages containing minor parts of the estate
only listed there since
remaining brother had
died last year
the last page a request that the left
over cash would be divided between
the three of us (now two)
that would not be much
after all Mom’s bills
left over change
attempted mollification by lawyer
saying that Mom would have left me
off completely because of ex-wife
but he stepped in and advised
her that she could not take it with her -
you know what your Mom is like
he asked me
it was more than that
compiling a list of things that would
lead to such a rejection
a storm outside
a hard time seeing while driving
having turned down invitation from
aunt to stay overnight with her and
newly enriched drug/alcohol addicted nephew
screaming curses at Mom
stopped at cheap motel
isolating
in deep near suicidal despair
the storm continued to rage
dark clouds sparking lightening
strokes in my mind.



ties to find the best in ourselves; God bless your sweet heart for hanging in and accepting the challenge. Keep on nurturing that surely developing pearl in the core of your being ; write, speak, love, give and give and give and give and as you explore the depths of your unique beingness and discover the true beauty such pain can bring, this apparent loss will be as a mere grain of sand without which the magnificent pearl in all its beauty could never manifest. You are the love, honey. I'm blessed and honored to be your friend. Lovingly, Hanna