Saturday, November 15, 2014

My Precious Story - Freedom emerging - never too late!


I resent Katie from her trying to take away my "precious story" in 1990's
Situation: Back to Alaska (1969), I felt a tremendous surge of rage in my body and lost it – starting to “tear up the barracks” with my sympathetic fellow veterans understanding and consoling me. All of my comrades were anti-Viet Nam war. In fact, I only met one soldier happily going back to Viet Nam, and that was in an airport. Highly decorated, he was bragging about all the money he was making over there. Three days after having acted out my anger, I hear that a chaplain wanted to see me. I knew what he wanted to tell me Sept. 25, 1969 exactly three days after my Brothers’ crash. Somewhere inside of me, I knew he had died and had acted out with extreme fury. Years later in an inquiry type of therapy, I was asked if that story was true? Absolutely true? Yes, I yelled at the therapist re-experiencing the same rage at his death. She retreated and said “well, I am not here to take away your precious stories – keep them by all means.” I did know it was “absolutely true”!
Now? No, it was not absolutely true.
What did I get from believing that it was "absolutely true"?
Years of anger from grief and survivor's guilt.
turn-arounds - Death is not real.he came back as Spirit/angel, and we went sailing
He loved the Vietnamese and married Buddhist girlfriend and lived happily ever after.
I am not resentful at Katie, as she helped me see different possibilities!
After all these years dear Byron Katie, I am ready to give up my "precious story" (or not lol) thanks! More tears...still grief. but it feels softer somehow not so toxic - healing - guilt almost gone!
Other turn-arounds welcome!

 

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